the worries of a mother...

I feel like I need to write down some of my current worries/feelings about having two kids. Maybe it will make me feel better? Who knows. Anyways, this pregnancy has been a huge blur to me. and it has been SO different than my first, both physically and emotionally. With this one, I am lucky enough to stay home but at the same time, I feel like Allyson has been so neglected! Poor kid... don't have the energy for anything, especially for the first 22 weeks when I was puking sick. Now im just at the big, uncomfortable stage where I can barely force myself to get off the couch to change her diaper! I am worried how she will react to the addition of another baby girl in our family. She has just been so clingy lately. But she really is a good kid, so I can't complain. She has her high maintenance drama moments but most of the time she is a sweetheart who likes to cuddle and give lots of kisses:)

I have been feeling guilty for baby #2 as well. With Allyson I was SO excited the entire pregnancy (even at the times I was so sick and swollen like an elephant from retaining so much water). With this pregnancy, I don't feel the same excitement. I feel like I have kind of viewed this pregnancy as a 'chore' which is so sad. Ben said I shouldn't feel bad because there is just more excitement that comes with the first child, but still. I feel like im loving her less already or something. Which brings me to my next worry...that I wont be able to love each daughter enough individually. I am hoping that this fear will go away once she is here and I can fall in love with her little face but right now its really hard for me to imagine loving another little girl just as much as Allyson!

Even though pregnancy is SO hard on me, I am so grateful that I am able to have my own children and that God trusts me enough to care for his sweet angels. I know that God will not give me more than I can handle...I just hope I am able to handle both girls the way He wants me to and to be the best mother I can be for them. Truly nothing is more rewarding and yet so difficult as being a mom. Makes me appreciate my mother so much more:)

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36 weeks

Had my 36 week appointment today...doctor checked me and I am dilated to 1 cm! I was hoping for a 2 but 1 is better than none! It definitely is getting my hopes up because I didnt dilate at all until 39 weeks with Allyson. My tummy is still measuring a week ahead (at 37 weeks). I asked my doc if he would be okay with inducing me on the Friday before my due date (March 16th) for 3 reasons: 1) Allyson was almost 10 pounds, 2) Then Ben wouldnt have to take off as much work, and 3) my mom will already be down in the valley that weekend. BUT he wouldn't give me a definite yes or no. He just said that "he doesn't make those kind of plans until my 38 week appointment". So we will see...I am definitely going to demand I dont go past my due date since Allyson was so big...and who knows if this one will be the same size but I really dont want to take that chance! I have now gained 32 pounds...and at this point, I am thrilled with that number because I gained close to double that with Allyson. Here is a lovely 36 week shot...please excuse the no make-up, hair clipped-up, stained t-shirt, sweatpants look, but this is what I look like EVERY day these days! (except for the three hours I wear a skirt at church:)

I hate smiling for these prego pics so I had to do a goofy one to make myself feel better. ha.

Eli's wrestling 2012

The last couple weekends has been all about wrestling! First went to Eli's sectional tournament and then we went to his state tournament. I love that we live close enough to be able to support him:)


sporting "my uncle E is sexy" onesie:)

playing with uncle E:)

first place at sectionals!

the team took first at sectionals too:)

supporting the Crosby Crew!

she thought she was so cool wearing uncle E's headgear!

my crazy kid

lovin' all this attention!

using aunt ashee for her kettle corn!

darling pic of Griff:)

wasn't a huge fan of the loud cheering lol

pretty blue eyes:)

our wittle cheerleaders!

hugs!

saying cheese while holding the camera lense cap lol

fourth at state! way to go E!

state champs!!

we love uncle E:)

the state tournament was in Prescott so we got to stay with Ben's dad (which was SO nice because they watched Allyson for me:) and Allyson LOVED their tramp! (such a poser in this pic lol)

Ava Chrystine's Blessing

A couple weekends ago we made the trek up to SJ for the blessing of Ava Chrystine Doubt. So glad we were there to witness (and participate) in this precious event! Jason did a great job:)

ok...who decided that the fat prego girl should stand in the front?! seriously though...I am only posting this pic so that I have it documented of everyone who was there!

cute lil family:)

my pretty girl:)

Ava in the dress her gramma Doubt made her:)

LOVE this pic of Aussie & Allyson:)

the girl cousins! this is the best we could get lol

ok, once again...NASTY of me. But cute of my sisters, so I'm sacrificing for them. Really though, I hate pictures...I feel like I am actually looking ok this pregnancy until....I see pictures of myself! gag.

34 weeks

I had my 34 week appointment yesterday...pretty boring. Baby's heartbeat was good. I have now gained 28 pounds and stomach is measuring at 35 weeks. My doctor told me that as of right now, he has no plans to be out of town during his kids' spring break (which is the week before I'm due). He said he won't be in his office but he will be available if I go into labor which puts alot of my worries at ease! So lets just hope they don't decide to go on a last minute trip:)