I feel like I need to write down some of my current worries/feelings about having two kids. Maybe it will make me feel better? Who knows. Anyways, this pregnancy has been a huge blur to me. and it has been SO different than my first, both physically and emotionally. With this one, I am lucky enough to stay home but at the same time, I feel like Allyson has been so neglected! Poor kid... don't have the energy for anything, especially for the first 22 weeks when I was puking sick. Now im just at the big, uncomfortable stage where I can barely force myself to get off the couch to change her diaper! I am worried how she will react to the addition of another baby girl in our family. She has just been so clingy lately. But she really is a good kid, so I can't complain. She has her high maintenance drama moments but most of the time she is a sweetheart who likes to cuddle and give lots of kisses:)
I have been feeling guilty for baby #2 as well. With Allyson I was SO excited the entire pregnancy (even at the times I was so sick and swollen like an elephant from retaining so much water). With this pregnancy, I don't feel the same excitement. I feel like I have kind of viewed this pregnancy as a 'chore' which is so sad. Ben said I shouldn't feel bad because there is just more excitement that comes with the first child, but still. I feel like im loving her less already or something. Which brings me to my next worry...that I wont be able to love each daughter enough individually. I am hoping that this fear will go away once she is here and I can fall in love with her little face but right now its really hard for me to imagine loving another little girl just as much as Allyson!
Even though pregnancy is SO hard on me, I am so grateful that I am able to have my own children and that God trusts me enough to care for his sweet angels. I know that God will not give me more than I can handle...I just hope I am able to handle both girls the way He wants me to and to be the best mother I can be for them. Truly nothing is more rewarding and yet so difficult as being a mom. Makes me appreciate my mother so much more:)
4 comments:
I think all of your worries are normal! I worried about the loving them the same part too and it's funny it just happens. You just love every baby as much as you loved the first. It all works out! I'm sure Allison will love her too. Girls are like natural little mini mommies.
The second you have your 2nd baby you will love her just as much as Allyson but in her own way. I had a lot of time with randon before we had Alora (4 years) and I thought I couldnt love anyone as much as him but Alora stole our heart immediately. Each kid brings something new to the family and you will never know how you lived before the 2nd came along. The end of the pregnancy is just draining. It will be over soon and you will do great.
All the feeling and worrying emotions that you are having are normal. Every mother feels that way with second pregnancy. You will have that love for her just as you do for Allyson. For me I have come to realize that the love I have for each one of my children is a different individual love. For my oldest its a little more different because she was our first and all the new first time expriences we had with her...she is what made me a parent. But this doesnt mean that I love my other children less. I love them all so deeply much in their own individual way.
I remember feeling that way when I was pregnant with ryder. In fact before leaving for the hospital to have him I held brody on my lap and just sobbed. My biggest worry was how much his world was going to change. Everything will work out im sure! It would be more weird if you didn't have some worries.
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